i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
