That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Randomize
