I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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