I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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