Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
