I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
