if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
