Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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