yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
