I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
