He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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