I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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