I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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