The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
