You can't special order awesome
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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