What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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