need another drink. this is the easiest way
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
