The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
