He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
worst night to have a conscience
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
