my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
