Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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