Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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