Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
