Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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