he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
