Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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