I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize