Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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