Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
