went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
