Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
