batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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