his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
