halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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