So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
