im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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