Jerry, you need to find god
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
