just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
