Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
