But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize