and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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