i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
