i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
