Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
