I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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