my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
