so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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