Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
