i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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