Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
