I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
