I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
