You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
