Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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