cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
