i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
In America we eat man semen.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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