Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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