I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
