Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize