How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
