the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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