i don't like sucking hair
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
