looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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