i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
