He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
