i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Randomize
