Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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