girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
