It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
But theres a keg here and me gusta
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
